keeping my mouth shut

there were decisions that i made that i thought were the best. nobody tried to influence me. nobody helped. well, nobody could. or at least the one who actually could, kept his mouth shut for fear of influencing and holding back.

when should we give advice and when should we not? do we have to wait until we are asked? or do we just give it, and hope that he/ she would get something out of it?

it scares me to think. i left my home awhile back for a job that offered basically more money, chance to travel, broaden experience and all that. nobody said anything to make me hesitate. not my parents. not my fiance then. i thought i was making the right decision. seriously, i didn't need the money. my career was doing great. i just thought well why not. im coming back. but nobody said anything about how things might change. they were afraid to hold me back. at the same time, they never let me feel that well.. that they dont really want me to go, that they want me with them. i wish they said something. maybe i was old enough to take my own risks, make my own decisions. but they never presented additional considerations that i should have thought about. maybe they trusted me, that i know what i was doing. i should have known. but i didn't. they didn't voice out their fears. i didn't feel that those fears were real.

i seriously don't know if they said anything, if it would have change anything. if i would have stayed. if i would have thought about it more thoroughly. if i had been more conscious of what i was actually doing.

i didn't want to change anything. i loved my life. right now, if there was a period where i could go back, that would have been it. the best time of my life was before i left.

now, i make my feelings known. unwanted or not. irrelevant or not. i will put it out there. i will not let a day pass that the people who matter to me do not know how i feel about them. for all we know i could be dead the next second.